I am giving up…again. I thought I would be more committed. I thought by going
back to what worked in the past would work now. That does not seem to be true.
sure where I go from here. I need to do something different. Weight Watchers
and programs like that have never worked for long. I am pretty stuck.
need to forgive myself and be mindful of myself and my emotions. I have been
very consistent with writing in my daily line-a-day diary and in my joy
journal. Maybe that is how I can find a new way.
one tiny change at a time might be better than changing everything all at once.
Can I commit
to eating one vegetable a day? Like one carrot, or a pea? I think I can do
that. At least I’ll give it a try!
been wallowing in self-pity lately, blaming my bad eating and lack of joy on all
my obligations and work stresses. Maybe I am more to blame for my own attitude.
I am the one choosing to see the dark side of things instead of the light. I am
the one thinking food will give me what I can’t seem to find in myself,
although I don’t really try to look. This black cloud seems to hover over me,
but I am the one who refuses to see that there is blue sky beyond it. It just seems
easier to cower in the darkness than to see the light.
But I am tired of cowering, tired of whining. I am ready to let go of the fear and let the clouds part. I don’t see joy, not because it isn’t there, but because I am blinded by my doubts. And if I fail, if I am not perfect, that only allows for new growth. It is the mistakes that create new opportunities. It is the imperfections that make us beautiful. It is the unknown that can bring endless wonder.
That all sounds so good. I will probably need to practice!! 🙂
can say is that I am beginning again, again…
comes a time when our bodies just wear out. For some it is sooner than others.
It seems to come on slowly, but then all of a sudden, there you are with stiff
joints and fading eyesight.
to do the things you’ve always done, like lift a case of water into a grocery
cart, or skip up a flight of stairs, or even walk around the yard to pick up
the debris left by the winds and the winter melt, only to find that your
muscles object to every step and strain. Your knees cry out, your back spasms. And
your mind puzzles, how could this happen to me? I was young and spry just last week, or was it
last month, or was it 10 years ago?
So we end up living on Advil and CBD oils, holding the restaurant menu at arm’s length and wondering why we just walked into the room.
realize that aging is not for young. They don’t have the strength or the
endurance or the courage. It takes a lifetime to develop those things that we’ll
need later, when our bodies finally wear out.
a saying when someone just picks at their food, that they “eat like a bird”.
That is an interesting saying, because, have you ever seen birds eat? They may
take just one seed or bit of suet at a time, but they eat constantly and can
quickly devour a 50 lb bag of feed! (Well, some is usually shared with the
From that definition, I eat like a pterodactyl, taking big bites, and eating constantly! I know people with pets that have to limit the intake of their food to maybe 2 cups a day. It would be nice if someone could do that for me, or if I could let someone do that for me! It is so much harder to do that for myself.
guess, eating like a bird is not all it’s cut out to be. I need to eat more
like a fat cat on a diet!
I can understand people with addictions. Every time they come down off their
high, be it drugs or shopping or eating or whatever, they swear that they will
stop this destructive behavior. But even as they say this, they seek out their
I do something
similar. Every morning it’s, “today I will avoid sugar”, and every night it is “crap,
tomorrow I will start again and avoid sugar”. Even as I am stuffing more jelly beans
in my mouth, a part of me is crying with the shame of it.
like eating the right things shouldn’t be that hard, but for me it is. I can’t “just
stop” eating the bad things, and I imagine drugs users can’t either. Maybe it’s in the basic wiring the way some people
could care less about something that someone else is obsessed with. Makes us
human, I guess.
not a matter of just deciding to stop. I think it has to be worked on, with a
plan, and support, with little successes to offset the failures. It’s one step
at a time, with forgiveness and love. And, really, isn’t that how we get
through everything in life?
Easter candy has got to go!!! Sure, I only take a couple malted milk balls,
jelly beans and marshmallow eggs each time I go by, but pretty soon it adds
up!! (The question of why I bought it in the first place is answered in the
blog on 4/4!)
I’ve been introspective, wondering why it even matters. Healthy people get sick
and get knee replacements, too. I know I need to do my part to prevent the
things I can affect, but my brain, my will and my body just aren’t on the same
page right now. I really need to get it together, before it really IS too late.